"Who said you could touch that stuff!?"
Oh, was I supposed to be interested in this? Was I supposed to be drawn in by a lead performance less charismatic than a pile of dirt? Was I supposed to be frightened by the lackluster scares or the absent atmosphere? Was the thin story which takes forever to do anything supposed to be the hook?
The only good thing about The Tattooist is that it engages in some way with Samoan culture, which is interesting yet underrepresented in film.