This’s it. This’s the best one. 

An’ I’m really fuckin’ self-conscious sayin’ that coz like, it could look like I’m doin’ it cozzit’s the one thass bin made after Disney got their grubby little hands back on The X-Men, a bit fanboy-y. I woz worried that migh’ be wot I woz doin’ so much that I sat on writin’ this ‘til I’d watched it ag’in t’be sure, an’ like YEAH, this’s the best fuckin’ one. Like, I luv Number 1, but goin’ back to it, it really is jussa big Proof’ve Concep’ more’n it’s anythin’ else. An’ like, I LIKE Number 2, I ain’t logged it yet but I watched it ag’in recen’ly, me plan woz t’watch the Deadpools an’ Logan an’ then log all’ve ’em an’ then this one in order but plans with fuckin’ mice an’ all that, but anyway I liked Number 2 fine but it ain’t got the charm’ve the firs’ one, an’ this one’s like, it’s got all the good bits’ve the other two, WITH a great fuckin’ story, WITH a good villain fer once, WITH a bunch’ve fan service dun like back when it wozza laugh an’ not fuckin’ exhaustin’, an’ WITH FUCKIN’ WOLVERINE, the only super’ero character people who watch these ain’t weirdly fuckin’ invested in talkin’ ‘emselves out’ve likin’. IT’S THE BEST FUCKIN’ ONE. 

If yer really not feelin’ the Multiverse Thing they wen’ with after Thanos then this ain’t gonna change yer mind, this one goes harder onnit then even the last Doctor Strange did. I no’iced on me secon’ watch that a lot’ve the sets fer this woz jus’, like, CORRIDORS, which reminded me too much’ve playin’ Final Fan’asy XI, or XII, I dunno, I stopped payin’ attention after X an’ became more’ve Kingdon Hearts Bloke. The 20th Cent’ry Fox logo bein’ in The Void’s too Fouth Wall even fer ME. There’s far too fuckin’ many lines where Deadpool sez he’s turned the fuck on, it gets a bit Dead Horse after like the third fuckin’ time he tells ya he’s wet’er sumthin’. There’s a He’s Righ’ Be’ind Me Joke thassa bit unfortunate, I know Millennials luv Deadpool coz I AM’MA Millennial who luvs Deadpool but maybe don’t fuckin’ write ‘im so much like we know it, an’ they brough’ back Monica Baccarin after fridgin’ ‘er b’fore the credits’ve Number 2 only t’not do anythin’ with ‘er other’n make ‘er mo’ivation fer Deadpool fuckin’ AG’IN. Like, they really gave Wade a girlfrien’ an’ then didn’t have clue fuckin’ one wot she woz useful for past needin’ t’be saved an’ fuckin’ dyin’, didn’t they? So there’s enuff wrong with it t’keep it out’ve the Four-An’na-Half Club, but thass ‘bout it fer things I didn’t like. 

One’ve the things that people say ‘bout Super’ero Stuff now’s that it feels more like it’s a produc’ more’n movies that woz made coz anyone really wanned t’make ’em, an’ I can’t say there ain’t nuthin’ to that. I’ve sed a few times b’fore that alot’ve the Fox X-Men flicks hadda really plasticy vibe to ‘em. Not all’ve ’em obviously but if ya watch, like, “LOGAN,” an’ then ya watch “X-MEN ORIGINS” I reckon ya can pick up on wot I’m sayin’. THIS ONE tho, this feels FULLY like ev’ryone makin’ it wanned ta fuckin’ make it. There’s so much fuckin’ LUV in ev’ry fuckin’ frame’ve it, it’s like nobody can believe they’ve got t’make three’ve these, let alone fer almos’ four times the budget’ve Number 1 on DISNEY’S fuckin’ dime. An’ they ain’t takin’ it fer gran’ed neither, there’s no phonin’ in goin’ on, this whole endeavour’s locked an’ fuckin’ loaded full’ve people who fuckin’ CARE. 

Hugh Jackman more’n anyone. I know when he sed he woz comin’ back fer this he sed it woz coz he really wanned t’do it but like, ya’ve always gotta be thinkin’ that it’s more coz’ve the money’n it is anythin’ else at this level, ain’t ya? If he’d shown up an’ dun the bare minimum it would’ve bin sad but I would’ve gone, “Yeah I geddit. I don’t fuckin’ like it but I geddit.” He’s SO FUCKIN’ HAPPY T’BE ‘ERE BRUV, ya can tell in ev’ry scene he’s in, it’s pure fuckin’ JOY all the way roun’. An’ he is actin’ the abs’lute BOLLOCKS off the scrip’, it migh’ be Top Five Performances in any MCU film. The only time I think he’s bin better doin’ Logan is lit’rally IN “LOGAN.” An’ by makin’ ‘im not THAT Logan this time out they’ve gave ‘im new shit t’chew on. When I say “new” I’m bein’ a tiny bit generous, it’s more’ve a more streamlined take on the bitter groun’-down disappoin’ed thing he woz doin’ the last time we saw ‘im, but it’s a nice little arc fer the film thass got jussa ‘nuff freshness. If I’ve got any issue it’s when they sed he woz “THE WORS’ WOLVERINE” I woz expectin’ sumthin’ proper extreme an’ all I got woz wot Wolverine doz after a bad weeken’, know wot I mean?

An’ the suit is fuckin’ amazin’. Wish they’d gone with the tan John Byrne one, thass me perse’nal fave, it’s a LOT’VE Comics Nerds perse’nal fave so I ain’t unique sayin’ that, an’ like they wen’ t’the trouble’ve makin’ it fer A FUCKIN’ MONTAGE so if they had it I wish they’d used it, but I get that the Yellow an’ Blue’s more iconic so I understand it. I back when X-Men 1 came out an’ they all looked like they woz in The Fuckin’ Matrix, which later came out woz THE POINT as well, there wozza lot’ve chat ‘bout how the thinkin’ woz Wolverine’s suit spesh’ly wouldn’t work on film like it doz in the comics annit’d look stoopid. Even Jackman sed it a couple’ve times I think I . Well they woz all fuckin’ wrong, an’ Hugh even its that in the Makin’ve thass on Disney+, it works a fuckin’ treat, an’ when he pulls that cowl over ‘is head it’s an all-caps fuckin’ MOMEN’. Also I though’ maybe they put ‘im innit fer this one so he didn’t have t’kill ’imself gettin’ int’a Wolverine Shape which woz one’ve the reasons he sed he quit fer the firs’ time, but then they blew ‘is shirt off an’ he’s still ripped off ‘is fuckin’ tits. He ain’t bulky like he used t’be but I like the new leaner look. He looks like Sam Keith drew ‘im. 

Ev’ry Max Fanboy’s ears jus’ pricked up. “SAM KEITH MENTIONED!” Anyway. 

Cassandra Nova’s kind’ve an inspired fuckin’ choice fer the villain as well. She’s SORT’VE a deep cut, only comics readers who woz aroun’ fer that gonzo period when Grant Morrison stopped bein’ a fuckin’ wizard long enuff t’write The X-Men know who she is, she never made it int’a any’ve the Fox flicks, an’ if she woz ever gonna make it int’a anythin’ goin’ forward I though’ Marvel migh’ save ‘er ‘til the did their own X-Men films. I never would’ve though’ve ‘er for a Deadpool but it works really well, she’s proper scary an’ Emma Corrin plays ‘er like she’s all-knowin’ an’ barely even knows wot’s goin’ on which I dunno how ya even do that. Even playin’ it in The Void fer like nine’y percen’ve the runtime’s fun. I woz worried that’d be a cop-out so’s they could say they did an MCU Deadpool withou’ really doin’ it but it let ‘em go spare inna way that made sense. The toys in their toybox woz fuckin’ INFINITE coz’ve it. 

Jen Gardner’s a bit wooden as Electra. Can’t say she ain’t. Also Wesley’s jus’, like, FUCKIN’ OLD now, so ‘is Blade’s got the vibe’ve Stallone tryin’a be Rambo still when he can hardly fuckin’ move. But seein’ ‘em both in D&W’s crew’s still fun, an’ Channin’ Tatum is fuckin’ EV’RYTHIN’ he fuckin’ promised ya he’d be as Gambit. I know he woz layin’ The Voice onna bit thick sumtimes, but I reckon we’ve gotta this’s a comedy so he woz def’nitly doin’ it on purpose, when ya can understan’ wot he’s sayin’ The Voice’s perfec’. He’s bin tellin’ us ‘is Gambit Voice’s gonna blow our minds fer goin’ on ten years now an’ he weren’t lyin’. Dafne Keen comin’ back as Laura woz also nice but’ve all the surprises that one woz the leas’ surprisin’ t’me, if yer gonna lit’rally desecrate Logan’s grave ya really do need ‘er on-board fer it. She doz good tho an’ ‘er scenes with Logan’er dun well. It’s a bit distractin’ that she ain’t even gotta little bit’ve an accen’ anymore but like, Varien’ I fuckin’ s’pose. 

I know I ain’t mention Reynolds yet but bein’ real there ain’t that much t’say ’bout ‘im that ain’t bin sed twice already. He’s Deadpool, he jus’ fuckin’ is. If there’s one thing t’make a fuss over it’s that he sells the more emosh stuff in this one better’n he has in any’ve the others, an’ he’s gave a lot more’ve it’n normal. Deadpool on film an’ Deadpool in the comics’ve always binna bit diff’ren’. Comics Deadpool’s a clown but they CAN go t’sum sad an’ dark places with ‘im annit works, in the movies he’s more Deadpool Distilled, the laughs’er the point’ve ‘im an’ anythin’ else’s jus’ dressin’ really. This go he’s gotta act’ul emotional arc that goes thro all the decisions he’s makin’. Sum’ve it’s a bit heavy-handed, like I have trouble believin’ this geezer who didn’t wanna be an X-Man suddenly wants t’be an Avenger so bad he starts SELLIN’ CARS t’try an’ make it happen, but it’s the kind’ve evolution ya need fer a Number 3 so’s it don’t get borin’. 

Extra half-a-star fer the montage’ve the makin’ve the Fox Super’ero flicks that plays over the end credits that sum’ow uses “TIME’VE YER FUCKIN’ LIFE” withou’ it bein’ cringey. I think one’ve the things that didn’t get picked up on with this woz it’s A LUV LETTER t’that shit really. This’s tote’ly the last time sum’ve these actors’er ever gonna play these characters. It migh’ be the last time we ever SEE sum’ve these characters. Like, The Foxverse weren’t always all that, there woz as many bad movies they made as there woz good ones, but like, they STARTED this shit didn’t they. Withou’ the firs’ X-Men there likely wouldn’t even be an Iron Man one never-fuckin’-mind an Avengers. There wouldn’t be a SPIDER-MAN movie prob’ly. Like, it deserved better’n jus’ bein’ ABSORBED AN’ FORGOT, which’s wot this film’s about. They took that idea an’ made it Plot, an’ they did it proud. This shit deserved its fuckin’ victory lap. 

It’s better’n wot SONY’S DOIN’ if nuthin’ else. They won one Oscar fer a Spider-Man cartoon an’ then they shut up fuckin’ shop. Fox, zero Super’ero Oscars, but also zero Madame Webs.